Exceptions? Or the New Standard?

So I have a friend – we’ll call him SB.* He has the baby-face of 17-year-old, but is almost 22, and yet has the eloquence and articulation of a skilled orator well beyond his years. I don’t get to talk to him too often as this young gentleman, though a native Chicagoan, currently lives in Missouri, and is doing military training and getting his education on (do your thang SB!...did I just say “thang”??!). However, when I DO get to talk to him, it’s guaranteed that he will say something profound that will have the wheels in my brain clocking in at 118 MPH (not that they don’t already…but you know!). So needless to say, I definitely was not disappointed by one of our last conversations several days ago.

Per SB, “For exceptional guys, exceptions aren’t exceptions. They’re new standards. So what you usually don’t do is irrelevant.”

Now…read that again.

NICE, right??!! Can you see why this has been stuck in my head?! And I think this can be applied to anyone…guys, girls, family, friends, spouses, co-workers, pets…well maybe not pets…well…no, not pets…unless…nevermind…

But is it true? Do we just make exceptions for the people in our lives? Or are we really setting new standards?

How many times in our life have we gone above and beyond for someone, and yet those measures were never reciprocated back to us? We act in a way we usually don’t or say things we normally wouldn’t. We think because the other person is significant enough, we should go out of our way to treat them significantly. When it’s not returned, we are really just making exceptions in that relationship. You know how it goes - "Well I don't usually do this, but for you, I guess I'll make an exception this once". And then, that one exception turns into eight. You give up or put aside your usual beliefs/traits. And by doing that, you are no longer being who you REALLY are. We try to come up with logical reasons for the one-sided affair. But really? We know better. And we ain't foolin' no one but ourselves. A relationship of ANY kind built on exceptions does not provide stability. If these "exceptions" ceased, would the relationship grow? Probably not. And is it worth the one-sided affair? Definitely not.

However, we all have people in our lives – spouses, significant others, friends, family – who we would wrestle a pride of lions for. And who would do the same in return. And because this is a symbiotic and mutual relationship, I believe it is setting new standards in that relationship. You wouldn’t dream of giving them any less of you, just as you know they wouldn't give you any less.

It's important to have relationships with these high standards. It keeps you striving to be a better person. And the key to a great relationship is that you WANT to be a better person. Personally speaking, I have several friends for who I would walk to the ends of the earth for. I'd walk barefoot across hot coals for. I'd give up chocolate for (but I know they love me enough to never ask me to do this!) and they in turn, if need be, would give me the shirt off their backs (but I wouldn't ask them to...unless it was a really really really cute shirt. Or unless it's a guy and he happens to be some really nice eye candy and I want to see him shirtless...but then I'd probably faint...so nevermind). These standards are established in these relationships, and anything less is not even an option.

So. Until next time, here's to hoping you are setting new standards and NOT making exceptions.

And here's to SB for giving me a reason to ramble on. And I'm sure this won't be the last rambling session caused by SB!

Love,
Bince :)

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Namely…me ;)

--This post is dedicated to one of my loves - May GOD give you the strength, courage, and wisdom at this time to stay true to YOUR standards. And for you, I WOULD give up chocolate :)

Spring Cleaning

The impatience. The anxiousness. The restlessness. Every year, around this time, before Easter, I experience a turmoil of emotions. For some people this might occur before New Year's - a time to look back at the past year and come to grips with all the good, the bad, and the not-so-pretty occurrences in life and be grateful for all the blessings that do exist. But for others, especially me, this happens now. I believe it has to do with the arrival of Spring and the celebration of Easter. A season of new beginings. A fresh start if you will.

Growing up, my mom was big on "spring cleaning". The house had to be cleaned from top to bottom, corner to corner, wall to wall, inside-out, before Easter. Old, unwanted and unused items were thrown out and only the good, useful stuff was kept. Any one that knows me, knows that I definitely do not possess that cleaning streak. You'll be lucky if you can find a spot to sit on my sofa!

But I do like to complete a so-called "Spring Cleaning" on my life. I like to look back on the past year and reflect on the events that have occurred. There are good things, and then some things I'd like to erase from the pages of my so called life. The good things, I keep. I keep it in my memory box so I can recall it whenever I want and think back on it with fondness knowing that it will bring a smile to my face. The past year was definitely filled with AMAZING things - I gained independence, worked on being the person I once was (but older and hopefully wiser) but thought I could never be again, met some incredible people, re-connected with old friends, and had some wonderful experiences.

On the flip side, you have to take the bad with the good. So yes, there have been some bad things...and embarrasing things. PLENTY of embarrasing things. Things that could only happen to me becase my name is "Bincy T. Mathew". But I have faith that God knows what He’s doing with me. While I can't erase my past, I can come to grips with reality that it occurred, it's in the past, and while it does not define me, it IS a part of me. I'll allow myself to feel bad, wallow in a little self-pity, indulge in some Butter Pecan ice-cream (well ok, ALOT of Butter Pecan ice-cream), and then I'll "clean" it out of my life. It’ll be put away so that once Easter comes, there will be plenty of room for all the good that is anticipated to come to take its place. And it's guaranteed that Easter Sunday, after Mass, my spirits will be lifted and I will be ready to face another year of the good, the bad, and the not-so-pretty.


Thankfully, I am blessed with a wonderful, yet sometimes crazy (ya’ll know who are you are!), circle of friends who I can (and do) talk to at all hours of the night/morning, who keep my spirits up, give me words of encouragement, make me laugh till I cry (ahhh, memories!) or make me laugh out loud while I’m on the train (you guys DEFINITELY know who you are!!) or somewhere where strangers glance at me trying to determine if they need to keep their distance from me. I have friends that tell me what I NEED to hear, regardless of whether it is what I WANT to hear – a sign of TRUE friendship. And of course friends with whom I can say and do ANYTHING (again…memories!) without fear of judgment being passed. And for that, I thank you!

And while I don't know what God has planned for me this Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter, I know I won't be disappointed.

I hope you too will do some “Spring Cleaning”…put away the bad, keep the good, and focus on a wonderful and blessed year ahead. On that note…I need to go clean out my fridge.

Until next time, love and be loved, and please disregard any nonsense you may have just read.

Love,
Bince :)